Mother’s Day- A Day Blank Cards Were Made For.
Mother’s Day is coming up—and if you have a narcissistic mother, you might already be feeling it in your body. That quiet tension in your chest, the sense of dread creeping in, the inner debate that starts weeks in advance: Should I send a card? Should I call? What will I say? Will it ever be enough? The commercials, the social media posts, the brunch invites—all seem to be celebrating a version of motherhood you never quite got to experience.
For many people, Mother’s Day is a chance to express gratitude for care, nurturing, and unconditional love. But if your mother was emotionally manipulative, self-absorbed, critical, or even cruel, the day can feel like a spotlight on everything you didn’t receive. It can bring up a deep ache, and sometimes a strange, confusing guilt for feeling that ache in the first place. Because society tells us we’re supposed to love our mothers no matter what. It is taboo not to. We’re told that honoring them is a given. But what if your experience with her was more harm than help?
Growing up with a narcissistic mother is confusing.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother is confusing—there’s often love and pain, hope and disappointment. There were moments when you tried to be good enough, to be the one who finally made her proud, to say the right thing, to not upset her. And yet the goalposts always moved. The praise never lasted. The connection was always conditional. And now, as an adult, you might still find yourself trying to manage her moods, or your own guilt, or the part of you that still wants her to be different. Mother’s Day can make all of that louder.
Mother’s Day amplifies all of the emotional confusion.
Mother’s Day stirs up old patterns and internal conflicts: wanting to avoid her, but also not wanting to hurt her; needing distance, but fearing backlash or shame; choosing peace, but mourning the connection you never had. It’s exhausting. And it’s okay to say that out loud.
If you're feeling conflicted, confused, or even numb, please know that you're not alone. This day doesn’t have to mean the same thing for everyone. It can be a time to honor the women or caretakers who showed up for you in healthy ways—or it can be a time to honor yourself, for surviving what you went through and for continuing to grow in spite of it.
Try to remember….
You don’t owe anyone a performance.
You don’t have to fake a sentiment you don’t feel.
You don’t have to make yourself emotionally small to keep someone else comfortable.
Whatever you choose to do—or not do—this Mother’s Day, let it be a decision that comes from self-respect, not fear. Because your healing matters too.
You don’t have to earn peace.
You don’t have to justify your boundaries.
If you need to step back this Mother’s Day—or every Mother’s Day—that’s your right. You’re allowed to choose what feels healthy and safe. And if you’re not quite there yet, that’s okay too. You’re still unlearning old dynamics and tending to your own inner world.
You’re doing brave, invisible work—even if no one sees it but you.❤️ Let’s connect to see how I can help.